he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
