I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize