Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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