So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
