there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
