who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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