I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
