I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
