i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize