she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize