Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
