i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
