I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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