You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
