you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
