I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
