pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
