I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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