Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
