he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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