Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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