Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
