Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
