Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
