obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
