lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
