Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize