You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
