i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
