Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
