i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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