I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
