Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
