You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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