I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
porn star boner night. come get it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
