Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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