omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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