You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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