We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
