i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
