Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
