It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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