I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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