I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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