just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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