that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
