Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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