Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize