all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
