Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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