No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
