I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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