Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
COCAINE IS GR8
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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