Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
