Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
