I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh god it's open bar.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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