I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize