I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
