he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
this is an emotional support booty call
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
