dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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