Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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