you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
