Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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