Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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