M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
