Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
