i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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