i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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