break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
