Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
