I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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