Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
