He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
