I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
