It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
