Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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