FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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