The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
