I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
